It's Coffee Bitches

I know this has been discussed a million times over in a million different ways, but I still need to say something. Mr. Jeep and I went to the Tigers game Friday night and then used some Marriott Rewards points to stay downtown. We stayed at the Marriott in the RenCen. In the morning we decided to go to the Starbucks in the RenCen for coffee and bagels. Let me stop this story right here momentarily. I don't frequent Starbucks. It's too fucking expensive. And frankly, I think their regular coffee is disgusting. I love strong coffee, I'm a black girl all the way when it comes to coffee. But their coffee is bitter. I do however enjoy their Cafe Mochas. Having said that, the only time I really go to Starbucks is when I have a gift card. As I previously said, it's fucking expensive and I'm cheap. End of story. (at least that part of the story)

Okay, now back to my original story. Tigers game, stayed at Marriott, decided to go to the Starbucks in the RenCen...we get in line, there was one person in line in front of us. I had a gift card and I also had a coupon for a free drink. The coupon is good for any kind of drink, any size. So it comes to our turn. There's a worker on the right and a worker on the left. Left girl asks if she can take our order. Mr. Jeep and I were still in the process of deciding what pastries or bagels we wanted. So I order my coffee...a Venti Cafe Mocha with skim milk and no whipped cream (don't forget I'm doing the Weight Watchers thing). Mr. Jeep says he'll have the same. So Left Girl walks away and gets our cups ready. So we're standing there and she says (very rudely pointing at Right Girl), "You pay her." Meanwhile, we still hadn't ordered the fucking food. So Mr. Jeep tells Right Girl, "I'll have a cheese danish and cinnamon chip scone." (he has abandoned Weight Watchers for the time being) Right Girls looks at Left Girl and says, "they're not done. They want food. I need a cinnamon chip scone and a cheese Danish." Left Girl gave Right Girl a look that basically said, "Are you fucking kidding me?" So I ask what type of bagels they have since it's not obvious exactly what flavors they are. You would have seriously thought I just asked Right Girl to recite the entire Declaration of Independence backwards! She rattles off the flavors and I order a blueberry bagel. She punches in the total on the register and it comes to $5.82. So I'm thinking this crazy bitch didn't charge us for the coffee. Well Left Girl immediately caught onto it and said, "they also have 2 Lattes." (and when doing Left Girl and Right Girl's voices be sure to use the voices that Adam Sandler, David Spade and Chris Farley used in the Gap skits on Saturday Night Live) Now our total is upto $13.85 or something ridiculous like that. I attempt to hand her the gift card and my coupon and she stares at me, drops her jaw and says, "We.do.not.take.those. We are an independent franchise and we don't accept them." So now I'm pissed. I said, "You don't take the gift cards either?" She says, "Yes. We take those" like I'm trying to pay her with a piece of shit or something. If Right Girl wasn't going to take the gift card, I was out.of.there. I could have gotten a decent meal for that price. Mr. Jeep and I got our food and our coffee and sat down at a table. Mr. Jeep was pissed, "I really didn't appreciate the attitude." I said, "Yes and the thing that kills me is that they make fucking coffee!!!"

Note to all Starbucks employees everywhere: Your title may be Barista. But what that translates to is Coffee Maker. You make coffee! That's it. So don't treat someone that has a higher education and far more important job than you like a piece of dog-shit. Some people save lives, some balance the national debt, some rule countries...you my dears make coffee. So stop acting so self-righteous and holier than thou. I can stay home and do the same fucking job you do for nothing!

And don't get me started on the whole size thing! God forbid you don't order a Talle, Grande or Venti. God forbid you order a small, medium or large. They look at you like you just ordered in Greek. And that brings me to the one shining moment of that whole Starbucks debacle. The man in line behind us ordered "2 large coffees." Genius!